Hi My Golden Friend,

This week, my parents are moving to a place where they can receive more care and support than I can give them on my own.

I wish I could tell you I feel one clean emotion about this.

Instead, I feel sad. Relieved. Grateful. Guilty. Proud. A little brokenhearted. A little lighter.

For the past three years, caring for my parents (my mom has dementia) has been woven into nearly every part of my life. There have been beautiful moments, exhausting moments, tender moments, and moments when I wondered if I was doing any of it well.

Now, as this chapter changes, I find myself feeling wobbly in my own courage.

Maybe you know this feeling, too.

Maybe you are caring for someone you love. Maybe you are making decisions you never wanted to make. Maybe you are trying to hold grief in one hand and relief in the other, wondering what that says about you.

I think it says you are human.

And I am learning that sometimes courage is not pushing through a hard thing indefinitely.

Sometimes courage is admitting that more help is needed.

Sometimes love looks like staying.

Sometimes love looks like finding safer, better care.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is release ourselves from the belief that love means doing everything ourselves.

So today, I am trying to honor the past three years. Not as perfect. Not as enough for every need. But as faithful. As loving. As the best I could give.

And perhaps that is what you need to hear today, too:

You have not failed because the season changed.
You have not failed because you are tired.
You have not failed because you need help.
You have loved well.

Courage may feel wobbly this week.

But it is still courage.

With love,
Rachel

PS I am behind in answering emails and posting to social media/youtube during this busy and emotional month. If you've emailed me, please know I've read each word and I treasure your heart. My capacity to engage will increase soon and I so appreciate your patience.

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